Ukusinda Ekungathembekini: Isikhokelo Kwabo Baye Bangcatshwa

Ukufumanisa ukungathembeki kunokuba yenye yezona zinto zibuhlungu umntu adlula kuzo ngokweemvakalelo. Kudla ngokubangela ukothuka, ukudideka, umsindo, usizi, kunye novakalelo olunzulu lokungcatshwa ngaxeshanye. Nokuba ukungcatshwa kuvela kwiqabane elide okanye iqabane, kunokuphazamisa isiseko sokuthembana kwaye kwenze nobomi bemihla ngemihla bube nzima. Ukuba udlula koku, yazi ukuba ukuchacha kunokwenzeka, nokuba uziva ungaqinisekanga okwangoku.

Ukungathembeki akuchaphazeli nje iimvakalelo—kunokuchaphazela impilo yengqondo, ukuzithemba, kunye nokukwazi ukuthemba abanye kubudlelwane bexesha elizayo. Abantu abaninzi bafumana iimpawu ezifana nokulimala, ezifana neengcinga eziphazamisayo, ixhala, ubunzima bokulala, okanye ukurhoxa ngokweemvakalelo. Ezi mpendulo ziyindlela eqhelekileyo yokusabela kwingozi enkulu ngokweemvakalelo kwaye akufuneki zityeshelwe.

Ukuphiliswa ekungcatshweni akuyonkqubo ethe tyaba. Kubandakanya ukuqonda okwenzekileyo, ukulungisa iimvakalelo ezinzima, nokwenza izigqibo ezicingisisiweyo malunga nekamva lolwalamano. Kwabanye abantu abatshatileyo, ukwakha kwakhona ukuthembana kunokwenzeka ngonxibelelwano nokuzibophelela. Kwabanye, ukuqhubela phambili ngokwahlukeneyo kunokuba yindlela enempilo.

Kule sikhokelo, siza kuhlola indlela yokujongana nemiphumo ekhawulezileyo yokungathembeki, siqonde iimpendulo eziqhelekileyo zeemvakalelo nezengqondo, size siqonde amanyathelo abandakanyekayo ekwakheni kwakhona ubomi bakho. Nokuba ukhetha ukulungisa ubudlelwane okanye ukuqhubeka, eli nqaku lijolise ekunikezeni ukucaca, inkxaso, kunye nesikhokelo esisebenzayo sohambo lwakho lokuphiliswa.

Kukuthini Ukungathembeki Emtshatweni?

Ngaphambi kokuba singene kumbuzo othi “ngaba umtshato ungasinda na ekukhohliseni”, masiqale sichaze ukuba yintoni ukungathembeki. Ukungathembeki emtshatweni kunokuchazwa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, kodwa ngokubanzi, kwenzeka xa elinye iqabane elikwibudlelwane obuzibophelele liphuma ngaphandle kweso sithembiso sokulandela ubudlelwane besondo okanye beemvakalelo nomnye umntu.

Oku kunokuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Umzekelo oqhelekileyo kukuba xa elinye iqabane lithandana nomnye umntu, kodwa oku kungabandakanya izinto ezifana nokubukela imifanekiso engamanyala, ukuthumela imiyalezo engcolileyo nomntu ongaphandle kolwalamano okanye kwanokwakha ubudlelwane obungokweemvakalelo nomnye umntu (njengomhlobo osenyongweni okanye umntu osebenza naye) obudlula umda bube yinto yothando okanye yesondo ngakumbi.

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba ukungathembeki akusoloko kubandakanya ukudibana ngokomzimba nomnye umntu. Kudla ngokuba yinto eyenzeka ngokweemvakalelo ngokupheleleyo.

Umzekelo, masithi nineminyaka eli-10 nitshatile kwaye ninabantwana ababini abancinci kunye. Ubusoloko uzijonga njengomyeni othembekileyo kwaye awuzange uphambuke kwizifungo zakho zomtshato.

Kodwa ke, ngenye imini, ufumanisa ukuba umfazi wakho ebethandana nenye indoda. Ebemthumelela imiyalezo imini nobusuku, emxelela indlela amthanda ngayo nendlela alangazelela ngayo ukuba naye.

Olu luvumbululo olubuhlungu kuwe. Lonke ihlabathi lakho litshintshile, kwaye ushiywe uzive ungcatshiwe, ukhathazekile, kwaye unomsindo.

Usenokuba uzibuza ukuba ngaba umtshato ungasinda na ekungathembekini? Impendulo ithi ewe, unako. Kodwa kuza kufuneka umsebenzi omninzi kuwe nakumfazi wakho ukuze nikwazi ukudlula kweli xesha linzima.

Kula macandelo alandelayo, siza kukunika iingcebiso zokusinda kulwalamano emtshatweni wakho.

Amanyathelo ama-6 kwiqabane elingcatshiweyo

Nxibelelanani Ngokukhululekileyo

Xa kufikwa kwindlela “yokoyisa ukungathembeki,” inyathelo lokuqala liza kuhlala lilunxibelelwano. Kufuneka nithethe ngokwenzekileyo, indlela eniziva ngayo, kunye nento enifuna ukuyenza nobabini ukulungisa izinto. Le inokuba yingxoxo enzima, kodwa ibalulekile.

Funa Uncedo Lweengcali

“Umyeni wam ukhohlisile, kwaye andinakukwazi ukuyiyeka” yindlela eqhelekileyo yokusabela kwingxaki yokungathembeki. Ukuba ukufumanisa kunzima ukumelana nayo, kubalulekile ukufuna uncedo lweengcali. Ingcali yezonyango ingakunika inkxaso engakhethi cala kunye nesikhokelo njengoko usebenza ngeli xesha linzima emtshatweni wakho. Ngaphezu koko, banokukunceda uchonge naziphi na iingxaki ezinokubangela ukuba kubekho ukukrexeza.

Zinike Ixesha Lokuba Wedwa

Enye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo ekufuneka uzenze emva kokuba iqabane lakho likrexezile kukuzinika ixesha. Eli lixesha elinzima nelinzima ngokweemvakalelo, ngoko ke kubalulekile ukugxila ekuzinyamekeleni. Qiniseka ukuba utya kakuhle, ulala ngokwaneleyo kwaye uzilolonge, kwaye uchitha ixesha nabahlobo kunye namalungu osapho abaxhasayo. Ukongeza, cinga ngokwenza into entsha yokuzonwabisa okanye umsebenzi oza kukunceda uphumle engqondweni yakho.

Sebenza ekwakheni kwakhona ukuthembana

Xa ukothuka kokuqala kokungathembeki kuphelile, kuya kufuneka uqale ukusebenza ekwakheni kwakhona ukuthembana emtshatweni wakho. Oku kuya kufuna ixesha, umonde, kunye nomgudu kuwe nakwiqabane lakho. Ukuba bayazisola ngokwenene ngento abayenzileyo, baya kukulungela ukwenza umsebenzi wokubuyisela ukuthembana kwenu. Kuya kufuneka nithembeke omnye komnye malunga neemvakalelo neemfuno zenu kwaye nibe nomonde njengoko nobabini nihamba kweli xesha linzima. Usenokuzibuza, "Ngaba amaqabane athandanayo ayabuya" - impendulo ngamanye amaxesha, kodwa akunakwenzeka. Ukuba iqabane lakho liyabuya, kuya kufuneka usebenze kakhulu kuzo zombini iindawo ukwakha kwakhona ukuthembana nokwenza ubudlelwane buqine ngakumbi kunangaphambili. Xa kufikwa kumanqanaba okubuyela kwimeko yesiqhelo emva kokungathembeki, akukho xesha, ngoko ke thatha izinto ngesantya sakho.

Buza nayiphi na imibuzo

“Indlela yokuyeka ukungcatshwa” okanye “Indlela yokuyeka ukuqhatha nize nihlale kunye” yimibuzo enzima engenazimpendulo zilula. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba unemibuzo emininzi malunga nokuba kwenzeke ntoni, kutheni kwenzekile, kunye nokuba yintoni elandelayo. Ukuze uqhubeke nolwalamano, kuya kufuneka ufumane iimpendulo zale mibuzo. Oku kuya kufuna unxibelelwano olunyanisekileyo nolukhululekileyo neqabane lakho. Kuya kufuneka bazimisele ukuphendula nayiphi na imibuzo yakho, nokuba inzima kangakanani na. Ukuba abazimisele ukwenza oku, luphawu lokuba abazisola ngokwenene ngento abayenzileyo.

Misela Imithetho Esisiseko

Kuya kufuneka ubeke imithetho ethile ukuze uqhubeke usuka kulwalamano. Le mithetho iya kwahluka ngokuxhomekeke kwimeko yakho, kodwa kufuneka ibandakanye izinto ezifana nokungadibani nomnye umntu obandakanyekayo kulwalamano, ukucaca ngokupheleleyo nokuthembeka, kunye nokudibana rhoqo. Ukuba iqabane lakho alivumi ukuvumelana nale mithetho isisiseko, luphawu lokuba abakakulungeli ukusebenza ekwakheni kwakhona ukuthembana.

Amanyathelo ama-6 kwiqabane elingathembekanga

Vuma Oko Ukwenzileyo

Inyathelo lokuqala leqabane elingathembekanga kukuvuma oko likwenzileyo. Oku kuthetha ukuvuma ukuba libe nobudlelwane bothando nokuthatha uxanduva lwezenzo zalo. Ngaphandle kokuvuma oku, akuyi kuba lula ukuqhubela phambili. Ukuba lubudlelwane bothando xa omabini amaqela etshatile, bobabini indoda nomfazi kufuneka bahlale phantsi bathethe ngokwenzekileyo.

Vula kwaye Unyaniseke

Ufanele uthethe ngokukhululekileyo nangokunyaniseka neqabane lakho ngayo yonke into enxulumene nokuthandana. Oku kuquka ukunyaniseka ngento eyenzekileyo, indlela oziva ngayo, kunye nesizathu sokuba wenze njalo. Kubalulekile nokuba unyaniseke ngezinto ozilindeleyo kwixesha elizayo.

Bonisa Ukuzisola

Bonisa ukuzisola ngokwenene ngento oyenzileyo. Oku kuthetha okungaphezulu nje kokuthi, “Ndicela uxolo.” Kuya kufuneka ubonise ukuba uyayiqonda intlungu oyibangeleyo kwaye uyazisola ngokwenene ngezenzo zakho.

Thatha uxanduva

Zithathele uxanduva ngendima yakho kulwalamano. Oku kuquka ukuvuma ukuba wenze impazamo nokwamkela iziphumo zezenzo zakho. Kubalulekile nokuthatha uxanduva ngenkqubo yakho yokuphiliswa.

Linda

Inkqubo yokuphiliswa emva kokuthandana ithatha ixesha. Kubalulekile ukuba nomonde nokuqonda ukuba kuza kuthatha ixesha ukuba iqabane lakho likuxolele. Okwangoku, gxila ekwakheni kwakhona ukuthembana nonxibelelwano kulwalamano lwenu.

Funa Uncedo

Ukuba unengxaki yokujongana nemiphumo yokuthandana nomntu ongatshatanga naye, cinga ngokufuna uncedo lweengcali. Ingcali yezonyango ingakunika inkxaso malunga nendlela yokuphelisa ukuthandana nomntu ongatshatanga naye okanye indlela yokuphelisa ukungathembeki kunye nesikhokelo njengoko usebenza nemingeni yokwakha kwakhona ubudlelwane bakho.

Isiphelo

Ukungathembeki komnye wemingeni enzima kakhulu ubudlelwane obunokujongana nayo. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwexesha, umonde, kunye nomzamo, kunokwenzeka ukoyisa intlungu kwaye wakhe kwakhona ubudlelwane obuqinileyo nobunempilo. Ukuba usokola emva kokuthandana nomntu ongatshatanga naye, khumbula ukuba awuwedwa, kwaye kukho uncedo olufumanekayo.